A major curse of modern American culture is the widespread and pathetic practice of permissive parenting. It manifests itself in a multitude of ways: adults wanting to be buddies with their young offspring instead of parents; children who seem to have never heard (or at least they have no working knowledge) of the word “no”; parents who are far more concerned about their child’s feelings, self-esteem, and happiness than their obedience, holiness, or manners; youngsters who have learned little, if any, respect for authority; homes in which the toolbox of parental discipline does not have “the board of education” or “because I said so” in it; children who have never had to ponder deeply upon such life transforming questions as: “Do you want me to give you something to really cry about?” or “Can you use your head for something more than a hat rack?”
Because of the length of time that our society has been suffering from this spiritual malady, we may not truly understand the sobering seriousness of this subtle spiritual cancer. Being a spineless, permissive, “loving” parent is NOT simply a bad decision; it is ungodly. It is 180 degrees opposite of the actions of Jehovah God in His relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. No wonder, then, “disobedient to parents” is listed in Romans 1: 28-31 as a characteristic of those who do “not like to retain God in their knowledge”; such people have a “debased mind”; and those who practice and approve of such things are deserving of death (Romans 1:32). To get a more accurate view of the depravity of permissive parenting, consider the following:
Jesus was strong willed.
One of the most common rationalizations of a spineless, wimpy parent is to whine and excuse himself by declaring that he has a “strong willed child”. Unlike the wishy-washy sissy that some people envision when they think of the Son of Man, Jesus was a human with an immensely, intensely, and intentionally powerful will. With a picturesque simile, the prophet Isaiah artfully captures the grit and determination of Jesus’ powerful will in Isaiah 50:7. Here, the prophet, speaking for Mary’s firstborn son, declares, “I have set My face like flint.” Luke encapsulates the strength of Jesus’ willpower when he writes: “Now it came to pass, when the time had come for Him to be received up, that He steadfastly set (sterizo) His face to go to Jerusalem” (9:51). Later in Luke’s gospel, this same Greek word can be found. It is used by father Abraham (Luke 16:26) to describe the great gulf “fixed” (sterizo) between the rich man and Lazarus in Hades.
Jesus went to the cross because of His ironclad, “bull-headed”, and courageous determination to do so. His will was unflinching, dogged, and resolute. No human who has ever lived upon this earth has been stronger willed than was the Son of Man.
God the Father expected His Son to be obedient in all things.
Permissive parents look upon obedience in their offspring as a negotiable. It is a “good idea”; it is a “noble ideal” that is unattainable. In reality, expecting and demanding obedience is too much like work for them. (Or, as one set of permissive parents told me once, “We have even tried spanking him, but nothing works.”)
One of the ways that Christian parents obey Ephesians 5:1’s command to “be imitators of God” is by expecting their children to “obey…in all things” (Colossians 3:20). Every normal parent thinks of his/her offspring as precious and special. This is good and natural. However, this is not an acceptable reason for permissive parenting.
No baby born on this earth was more special or unique than the baby Mary wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger in a Bethlehem stable (cf. Luke 2:4-7). No baby born on this earth was conceived by the Holy Spirit and thus was uniquely qualified to be called “the Son of God” (cf. Luke 1:35). No baby born on earth has ever had a star (Matthew 2:2) or angels (Luke 2:8-15) for birth announcements.
But, please notice: “though He was a Son; yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered’ (Hebrews 5:7). “And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross” (Philippians 2:8). Jesus was uniquely special; however, He was not so special and unique that He was exempted from being obedient to His Father’s will in all things.
In the Garden, the Father told His Son “No” repeatedly. Permissive parents have an allergy to the word “No!” They are afraid to say it and mean it. They are apologetic if they should ever have to say it. They feel guilt and shame for their lack of “positive “parenting.
In the shadow of Calvary’s gruesome cross, Jesus told His disciples “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death” (Mark 14:34). “And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground” (Luke 22:44). In the Garden He “offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death” (Hebrews 5:7). Falling on His face He prayed three times, “O My Father, if possible, let this cup pass from Me” (Matthew 26:39, 44).
His desire was not to do something that was a work of the flesh like dancing, wearing immodest clothing, drinking or fornication (cf. Galatians 5:19-21). His desire was not to do something that was unrighteous like prioritize worldly things over the kingdom of God (cf. Matthew 6:33). His desire was not to do something that conformed to this world because “everybody else is doing it” (cf. Romans 12:2). His desire was simply to not have to die! And yet, His Father told Him “No” every time He asked.
It is not until we read “the rest of the story” in Luke 24:46 that we learn why the Father told His Son “No”—“Thus is it written and thus it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead the third day.” Because Jesus’ expressed desire in the Garden was out of harmony with the written will of God, His Father told Him “No” every time He asked to be the exception to His revealed will. May the number of parents who imitate God in this way grown in an exponential way!
There is a superstitious belief that the sign of a cross will destroy the influence of a “vampire”. Such a belief is rubbish in several ways. However, it is not superstitious to believe that the “vampire” of permissive parenting (that is currently sucking the spiritual lifeblood out of a multitude of homes today) can be destroyed when its ungodly characteristics can be seen clearly from the cross of Calvary. Unlike the permissive parent, Jesus’ Father expected His precious, beloved, and strong-willed Son to be obedient to Him and to the written Word in all things. Even when His Son expressed his desires repeatedly and with tears, the Father still said “No” every time. The nail prints in Jesus’ hands and feet (John 20:27) will forever stand as a powerful and indestructible testament to God’s absolute anathema towards permissive parenting.
–John Chowning