BEN F. VICK, JR.
The oldest divine institution is marriage. It is older than civil government and the church. In the beginning, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone; so, he made for him a help meet. The word “help” means a helper, assistant, i.e., one who assists and serves another with what is needed.” The word “meet” is defined as “a help corresponding to him i.e., equal and adequate to himself.” (BDB Hebrew Lexicon.) Mark records, “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:6- 9.)
God did not intend for a man to live alone. However, it was not his purpose for a man to live with a woman outside the bond of holy matrimony. Thus, he instituted marriage. The writer of Hebrews says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Heb. 13:4.) God made humans with sexual desire. He established marriage in which that desire is to be fulfilled. Before or outside of marriage, it is a sin.
Matthew (as well as Mark) records the confrontation Jesus had with the Pharisees concerning marriage and divorce. He wrote: “And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan; And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there. The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matt. 19:1- 6)
When the Pharisees asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” Jesus responded, “Have ye not read….?” Today, people do not read what God has said about marriage and divorce. Jesus said, “…he which made them at the beginning made them male and female.” There was no in-between-gender or transgender. God made them male and female. Then Jesus said, “For this cause….” What cause? Because God made them male and female. He did not make another man for Adam nor another woman for Eve. Homosexuality is condemned in the Bible (Gen. 18:20;19; Rom. 1:24-26; 1 Cor 6:9-10; Jude 7).
It is a lifetime commitment when a couple exchanges vows at the marriage altar. It is till death separates them. There are no marriages in the next world (Matt. 22:29-30). Paul wrote, “Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” (Rom. 7:1-3.)
Cultivating a happy marriage can prevent divorce. A couple must be on the same page when it comes to finances. In handling finances, a couple should not spend more than their income will allow. Sometimes the wife or the husband can spend more money than is coming into the home. Learn contentment (1 Tim. 6:6-10). It is good to have a budget. In making out a budget, do not leave the Lord out (1 Cor. 16:1-2).
One problem that has caused almost irreparable damage is in-laws. God said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24.) When a couple gets married, they start a new home. Neither the man nor the woman should be running back to their parents when trouble arises. And parents should not be busybodies in their children’s marriages. Do not be tempted to stick your nose in their business. Proverbs 26:17 reads, “He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, Is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.”
Couples should be on the same page when it comes to the number of children they will have and how they will be reared. How shall we order the child? How shall we discipline the child? It amazes me how some parents think they know more than God concerning discipline. Read and soak up these verses: Proverbs 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15,17.
Communicating is essential in all areas of life, especially in marriage. Expressing one’s love for each other daily is vital in keeping the romance in marriage. (Eph. 5:25,28; Titus 2:4.) Husbands and wives should be polite, saying thank you and please to each other. Sometimes couples can begin to take each other for granted. Sometimes, one needs to say, “I’m sorry.” A plaque we have had on our wall since we married one year short of fifty years reads: “To keep your marriage brimming in the loving cup, when you are wrong, admit it and when you are right, shut up.” Paul wrote, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” (Eph. 4:26.) Solve your problems as soon as possible. Do not go to bed angry with each other. Communication entails listening as well as talking.
Divorce is a terrible thing. It means one or both parties has sinned. It means failure. All the hopes and dreams are dashed. God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). Jesus gives only one ground for divorce: for the cause of fornication. Jesus said, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” (Matt. 19:9.) The innocent party has a scriptural right, not an obligation, to put away their mate who is guilty of fornication.