“Is it our duty to forgive those who sin against us when they neither ask for nor want forgiveness?”
It is not only not our duty to so do, it is an utter impossibility! This question recurs because people persist in disregarding what the Bible teaches regarding genuine repentance, by setting up their own concept of what repentance is and by attempting to conform thereto. Those who do this actually imply, whether they intend it or not, that forgiveness is cancellation of bitter, revengeful, and uncharitable feelings toward those who sin against us, substituting a disposition of kindness, love and regard for the offending one or ones; and, they urge that such must evermore characterize faithful Christians. But, (1) many devoted and dedicated disciples of the Lord never experience bitter, revengeful and uncharitable feelings toward those who sin against them; and (2) the attitude or disposition by so many regarded as obligatory in such cases is not repentance [I think brother Woods meant “forgiveness”], anyway. God never entertains “bitter, revengeful and uncharitable” feelings toward even the vilest of sinners; but he forgives only those who repent. Jesus prayed for those who hated him so much they sought for, and obtained his death; but, he did not forgive them until they repented.
The words, “remission” and “forgiveness” often translate the same Greek word (aphesis) and the meaning is release, the sending of sins away, and thus restoration of a peaceful relationship which the offense interrupted. Unless the offender wants this relationship, it is impossible for the offended to effect it, however much he might desire it and seek it. Our Lord makes clear our obligation in such cases when he said, “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4.) To this the reply is often made, “Well, we must always be ready and willing to forgive,” as indeed we must; but this is not forgiveness and not to be confused with it. It our duty to love all men, even our enemies, and to pray for their wellbeing; but we can forgive them only when they repent.
Guy N. Woods, Questions and Answers Open Forum, Freed-Hardeman College Lectures, 258-259, 1976.
MORE ON REPENTANCE AND FORGIVENESS
Just as Christians are to live a life of faith, so are we to live a life of repentance. John wrote, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1:8-10.) He was writing to Christians, not those outside of Christ. As children of God, we sin regularly in thought, word, or deed. Thus, we always need forgiveness. However, to be forgiven, we must repent and confess the sin or sins. Walking in the light compels us to do so.
Repentance is a change of heart brought about by godly sorrow which leads to a change of life. Jesus said the Ninevites repented at the preaching of Jonah. Jesus said, “The men of Nineveh shall rise in judgment with this generation, and shall condemn it: because they repented at the preaching of Jonas; and, behold, a greater than Jonas is here.” (Matt. 12:41.) Jonah 3:10 says, “And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.” (Jonah 3:10.) What did the Ninevites do when they repented? They changed their minds and turned from their evil ways. When the text says that God repented, it means he changed his mind toward those Ninevites. God could not change his mind concerning the evil He would bring upon them until they repented.
If you can forgive someone who has sinned against you without his repentance, then you can do something God will not do. Yes, Jesus on the cross prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do,” but God did not forgive them until they repented fifty days later on the day of Pentecost (Luke 23:34; Acts 2). If one has wronged us, what are we to do? “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.” (Matt. 18:15.) This is one of the most abused and neglected passages in the New Testament.
It is abused when some try to apply it to how we deal with a false teacher or a factious person. Sometimes people will say, “Well, have you been to him personally before you exposed his error?” But, if an error is publicly taught either orally or in writing, we should rebuke and warn publicly. Paul rebuked Peter before all because he was to be blamed (Gal. 2: We should try to make the rebuke as public as the false doctrine taught is public. One does not need a meeting with the Pope before the error is exposed. One does not need to go to Franklin Graham or Max Lucado first before the error is exposed.
It is one of the most neglected passages in the New Testament because it is easier to tell everyone else what brother So-and-So did than to go and tell him his fault. Thayer defined the Greek term here translated, “tell him fault,” as “to reprehend severely, chide, admonish, reprove…contextually, to call to account, show one his fault, demand an explanation.” But who wants to do that? It may seem easier to say nothing and hold a grudge forever. However, the offender needs forgiveness, and because the offended loves his soul, he will go to him privately. If the offender repents, the offended is obligated to forgive him. Jesus said, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt. 6: 14-15.)
— BEN F. VICK, JR.