DONNIE VICK
For the second time in a few short months, my Facebook feed has been covered in news articles about congregations who have withdrawn from a wayward member. In each case a letter of withdrawal was written, and the recipient of that letter made it go viral. I do not know the details and facts of either situation, so this article is not intended to be critical of these congregations in any way. Just the opposite is true. I applaud congregations who take a stand against sin and are striving to keep the flock pure (1 Cor. 5).
However, if we can avoid making international headlines, we should strive to do so. Paul said, “Let not your good be evil spoken of” (Rom 14:16). It has been said that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Perhaps that is true if one is a movie star or rock singer, but it certainly is not true of churches. No congregation would want the public backlash that these congregations and others over the years have faced. Hardly any good can come of it. Some might point to brother Garland Elkins’ appearance on the Donahue show many years ago. While he comported himself well and taught the truth, Donahue and the producers of that show only intended to make the church look like a bunch of hateful prudes. That intent is on steroids today, so we need to be cognizant of that fact when we administer discipline today. We cannot continue to shepherd like it is the 1980’s. So, how can we avoid the headlines and still obey God? Church discipline is not an optional matter; it is an order (2 Thess 3:6).
First, realize it may not be possible. The weirdest and dumbest things become viral today, so it should not be any surprise that a church wanting to do what is right would become viral for withdrawing from a practicing homosexual. We cannot stop a person from getting on Facebook or Reddit and blasting the church. Nor can we try to defend ourselves on social media and think it is going to be a fair fight. Proverbs 26:4 definitely applies here. The media and the mob will make us look even more foolish than the person blasting the church.
Second, we have to eliminate the paper trail. I fully understand why letters of withdrawal are written. There needs to be an acknowledgment of the individual’s status in the congregation, but these letters written to individuals have a mysterious way of getting shared on the internet and with news reporters and, even worse, lawyers. Not only do the media and lawyers love to make lots of money off of these, they appear cold and callous. I know of one sister who received a letter of “disfellowship”, an unscriptural term. She wanted to return for a long time, but the letter she received never told her how she could be restored! Thankfully, she was restored and is faithful today, but she would have returned a lot sooner if the congregation would have been more thoughtful.
While we are commanded to withdraw ourselves from the disorderly (2 Thess 3:6), no passage requires elders or church leaders to write such a letter. Remember withdrawing is something that the faithful do to themselves; it is not something we do to the wayward brother. The faithful choose not to keep company with him, so the congregation needs to be informed of the person’s status via announcement. I would even recommend that the livestream be turned off for such an announcement.
Next, some of this could be avoided on the front end of our relationships with people. When an individual is converted or places membership, they need to have a meeting with the elders or some of the men in the absence of elders ruling the congregation. A brochure about the congregation should be shared with the prospective member telling them about how the congregation is going to stand for the truth and love that individual. Included in this should be information about the process of church discipline and what constitutes a marriage in God’s eyes. If people know going into the situation what is at stake if they fall away, they will forfeit their right to complain.
Furthermore, one of the biggest problems for churches when it comes to church discipline is a failure to be consistent. Consistency in anything is a challenge, but having written procedures could help elders. If the elders and members know that if a person has a certain number of unexcused absences from services or is unwilling to repent of some sin and the withdrawal process will now begin, then perhaps elders would have an easier time carrying out the process. A valid complaint against elders is that they will withdraw from one wayward brother, but then avoid withdrawing from another person who is engaged in the same sin. Elders need to repent of such inconsistency and confess it to the congregation. Though difficult, a congregation will appreciate leaders who are honest enough to say, “We were wrong. Please forgive us.”
Finally, the process of withdrawal should mean something. We are withdrawing our fellowship from this individual. That indicates that there has been some level of intimacy and friendship with this person. Our choosing to avoid associating and going to lunch with this person should sadden them and us. Our relationship with this person ought to be so strong that when they are withdrawn from instead of posting about it on Facebook they weep. That is the spirit of love that ought to be in the congregation. When members and non-members of our congregation think about us, their first thought should be, “They really love each other.” That is what Jesus wanted us to be known for: our love (Jn 13:35). Sometimes that love is tough, but love that is not tough sometimes is not love at all.
We may be as thoughtful and careful as possible while going through this process and still get bad publicity. If that happens, so be it. But let us have the determination to do it in a careful and thoughtful way. Let us determine to use wisdom and foresight before a problem ever arises. Let us determine to communicate clearly our expectations of members and elders. When we lovingly practice church discipline, we most certainly will not please the world and may even make the headlines, but we will please God.